How to Help Your Kids Cope with Losing a Grandparent

A compassionate guide to supporting children through the grief of losing a grandparent at every age. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Have the conversation honestly and age-appropriately. Choose a quiet, comfortable place where your child feels safe to talk and ask questions. Use clear, simple language and avoid euphemisms like 'went to sleep' or 'went away,' which can create confusion or fear. Say something like, 'Grandma's body stopped working and she died. This means we won't see her anymore, but we will always remember her.' Be prepared to answer the same questions multiple times, as children often need to hear information repeatedly to understand it. Let them know it's okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even nothing at all.
2. Allow and validate their emotions. Children express grief differently than adults and may seem fine one moment and devastated the next. Some might act out, others might become clingy, and some might seem unaffected. All of these reactions are normal. Create space for whatever emotions come up by saying things like, 'It makes sense that you feel angry' or 'I feel sad too.' Don't try to fix their feelings or rush them through the process. If your child doesn't seem upset initially, don't worry—grief doesn't follow a timeline, and their understanding may develop over time.
3. Include them in meaningful ways. Ask your child what they'd like to do to remember their grandparent. They might want to draw pictures, write letters, make a memory book, or choose photos to display. If there will be a funeral or memorial service, explain what will happen and let them decide if they want to attend. If they choose to go, prepare them for what they'll see and experience, and designate a trusted adult who can leave with them if needed. Consider creating special traditions like visiting the grandparent's favorite place, cooking their favorite recipe, or donating to a cause they cared about.
4. Maintain routines while being flexible. Keep your child's regular schedule as much as possible—meals, bedtime, school, and activities provide stability during an uncertain time. However, be ready to adjust when needed. Your child might need extra comfort at bedtime, have trouble concentrating on homework, or want to skip activities for a while. Communicate with teachers and caregivers about what's happening so they can provide additional support. Let your child know that some days will be harder than others, and that's perfectly normal.
5. Take care of yourself too. Your child will look to you for cues about how to handle this loss, so managing your own grief is important. It's okay to cry in front of your child and share that you're sad too—this shows them that grief is normal. However, avoid leaning on them for emotional support. Seek help from other adults, whether that's family, friends, support groups, or a counselor. Make sure you're eating, sleeping, and taking breaks when possible. Remember that supporting your child through grief is marathon, not a sprint.