How to Write a Living Will with an Elderly Parent

A step-by-step guide to help families create a living will together, ensuring your elderly parent's healthcare wishes are clearly documented.

  1. Start the conversation gently. Choose a quiet time when your parent feels comfortable and isn't stressed or tired. Begin by explaining that a living will helps ensure their wishes are respected. You might say something like, 'I want to make sure we honor what's important to you if you're ever too sick to tell us.' Listen more than you talk, and let your parent lead the discussion about their values and preferences.
  2. Understand what a living will covers. A living will typically addresses life-sustaining treatments like breathing machines (ventilators), feeding tubes, kidney dialysis, CPR, and comfort care measures. It only applies when your parent has a terminal illness, is in a coma, or is in a persistent vegetative state. Help your parent think through each scenario by asking open-ended questions about their comfort level with different interventions.
  3. Gather the right forms for your state. Living will requirements vary by state, so you'll need forms that are legally valid where your parent lives. You can usually download free forms from your state's health department website, hospital websites, or organizations like the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Some states call these 'advance directives' and may combine living will instructions with healthcare power of attorney forms.
  4. Work through the document together. Read each section of the form with your parent and discuss what each medical term means in plain language. Take breaks if the conversation becomes overwhelming. Don't rush this process - it may take several conversations to complete. Write down your parent's exact words about their wishes, as their specific language can be helpful for doctors and family members later.
  5. Include personal values and beliefs. Most forms have space for your parent to write about their personal values, religious beliefs, or specific instructions that aren't covered in the standard checkboxes. Encourage your parent to include details about what quality of life means to them, their spiritual beliefs, or any cultural considerations that should guide their care.
  6. Complete the legal requirements. Once your parent has filled out their wishes, the document needs to be signed according to your state's laws. Most states require two adult witnesses who aren't related to your parent or named in their will. Some states require notarization instead of or in addition to witnesses. The form will specify exactly what's needed for your state.
  7. Store and share copies appropriately. Keep the original in a safe but accessible place - not in a safety deposit box that might be hard to access quickly. Give copies to your parent's primary care doctor, any specialists they see regularly, family members who might be involved in healthcare decisions, and the person designated as healthcare power of attorney. Make sure your parent carries a card in their wallet indicating they have a living will and where to find it.