Supporting Children Through the Big Emotions of Growing Up

Learn how to hold space for the complex feelings kids experience as they hit developmental milestones and navigate the transition toward independence.

1. Recognizing the Ambivalence. It is common for children to feel pulled in two directions: the desire for autonomy and the need for the safety of their younger selves. Parents who observe sudden regressions or mood swings during times of transition often find that these behaviors are not necessarily signs of trouble, but rather expressions of the internal friction caused by change. Many families find that labeling the emotion—'It sounds like you are excited to be a big kid, but also a little sad to leave your preschool friends'—helps children bridge the gap between their conflicting feelings. Validating both sides of the coin allows the child to feel seen without the pressure to choose one emotion over the other.
2. Creating Rituals for Transition. Rituals serve as a container for big feelings. When a child is facing a developmental milestone, such as losing a tooth or starting a new grade, creating a small, low-pressure ritual can help them mark the passage of time. This might involve a special dinner, a photo album review, or simply a conversation about what they are leaving behind and what they are looking forward to. Some parents approach this by allowing the child to take the lead on how they want to 'say goodbye' to a stage of life. When children have agency in the process of growing up, the transition often feels less like something happening to them and more like a journey they are actively participating in.