How to Talk to Your Partner About Parenting Disagreements

Learn how to navigate differences in parenting styles and values through constructive, adult-to-adult communication.

1. Establish a Private Time for Discussion. It is rarely productive to debate parenting decisions in front of children. Doing so can create confusion for the child and put them in the middle of a parental conflict. Instead, aim to discuss major differences in approach during a quiet time, such as after the children are asleep or during a scheduled walk. Approaching the conversation when emotions are regulated allows both partners to explain the 'why' behind their parenting choices. Often, a disagreement about a specific rule is actually a disagreement about underlying values, such as the importance of independence versus the need for constant supervision.
2. Identify Underlying Goals. When you and your partner disagree, try to move past the specific action and discuss the goal. For example, if one partner wants to be stricter about homework and the other wants to be more lenient, the goal for both is likely the child's long-term success. By identifying the shared objective, it becomes easier to negotiate a strategy that incorporates both perspectives. Consider using 'I' statements to express your concerns rather than focusing on your partner's perceived failures. Focusing on your own observations and feelings helps reduce defensiveness and invites the other person to share their own perspective on the situation.