How to Talk to Children About Death and Dying

Navigating conversations about loss with children requires honesty, patience, and age-appropriate language. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Using Clear and Concrete Language. Many parents find that using euphemisms like 'passed away' or 'went to sleep' can create confusion for younger children who take language literally. Experts in child development often suggest using the actual words 'dead' and 'died' to ensure the child understands the permanence of the situation. When a child asks questions, parents who provide simple, honest answers often find that it prevents the child from filling in the gaps with their own potentially frightening fantasies. It is acceptable to say 'I don't know' if you do not have an answer to a specific question, as this models intellectual honesty and comfort with uncertainty.
2. Approaches to Emotional Expression. Children express grief in ways that vary significantly from adults. Some may become withdrawn, while others may seem unaffected one moment and act out physically the next. This 'puddle jumping'—moving in and out of grief—is a common developmental trait. Some families choose to involve children in mourning rituals, such as funerals or memorials, as a way to provide closure. Others prefer to create private home-based tributes. Providing options for expression, such as drawing, storytelling, or spending time in nature, allows children to process their feelings at their own pace without the pressure of having to verbalize complex emotions.