How to Talk to a Grown-up When You Are Upset

A simple guide to help you express your feelings clearly when you are having a tough moment. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Take a moment to pause. When you feel your heart racing or your face getting hot, stop what you are doing. Take three slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. This helps your brain slow down so you can think more clearly.
2. Identify your feeling. Try to put a name to what you are feeling. Are you frustrated, disappointed, hurt, or maybe just tired? You don't have to be perfect at this, but naming the feeling helps you explain it.
3. Find the right time. If you can, wait until the grown-up you want to talk to isn't busy with something else, like driving or working. You can say, 'I have something I'm upset about, can we talk for a minute?'
4. Use an 'I' statement. Start your sentence with 'I feel...' instead of 'You made me...'. For example, say 'I feel sad when my toys get moved' instead of 'You always mess up my room.' This helps the other person listen without feeling like they are being blamed.
5. Listen to the response. Once you have said your piece, give the grown-up a chance to respond. They might have a different perspective, and listening to them can help you both find a way to fix the problem together.