How to Talk to Your Children About Losing Your Home

A gentle guide for parents on having honest, age-appropriate conversations when your family can no longer afford your current home.

1. Prepare yourself first. Before talking to your children, take time to process your own emotions and plan what you'll say. Practice the conversation with your partner or a trusted friend. Decide on the key points you want to cover and think through likely questions your children might ask. Choose a time when you're feeling calm and can give your full attention to your children's reactions and concerns.
2. Choose the right time and place. Have this conversation at home in a comfortable, private space where your children feel safe. Pick a time when you won't be interrupted and when your children are well-rested and fed. Weekend afternoons often work well. Avoid having this talk right before bedtime, school, or other stressful events. Make sure all family members can be present so everyone hears the same information.
3. Start with reassurance. Begin by telling your children that your family is going through some changes, but that you love them and will take care of them no matter what. Emphasize that this situation is not their fault and there's nothing they could have done differently. Let them know that many families face housing challenges and that you're working together to find solutions.
4. Explain the situation honestly but simply. Use clear, simple language appropriate for your children's ages. Explain that your family needs to move to a different home because this one costs more money than your family has right now. Avoid sharing adult details about finances, but be honest about the basic situation. You might say something like, 'Our family's money situation has changed, and we need to find a home that costs less money.'
5. Focus on what will stay the same. Help your children understand what won't change during this transition. Emphasize that your family will stay together, that they'll continue going to school (even if it's a different one), and that their belongings and pets will come with them. Talk about family traditions and routines that will continue in your new living situation. This helps children feel anchored during uncertainty.
6. Be honest about what you don't know yet. It's okay to tell your children that you don't have all the answers yet. You might not know exactly where you'll live next or when you'll move. Explain that you're working hard to figure out the best solution for your family. Let them know you'll keep them updated as you learn more, and that they can ask questions anytime.
7. Listen to their feelings and concerns. Give your children space to express their emotions, which might include sadness, anger, fear, or confusion. Validate their feelings by saying things like, 'It makes sense that you feel scared' or 'I understand why you're upset about leaving your room.' Answer their questions honestly, and if you don't know an answer, tell them you'll try to find out. Some children might not react immediately, and that's normal too.
8. Involve them in age-appropriate planning. Help your children feel some control by involving them in planning when possible. Older children might help research new neighborhoods or schools. Younger children might help pack their belongings or choose which toys are most important to them. Ask for their input on things that affect them directly, like room arrangements in your new home.
9. Create ongoing opportunities for discussion. This isn't a one-time conversation. Check in with your children regularly to see how they're feeling and answer new questions that come up. Some children need time to process before they're ready to talk. Others might have the same concerns repeatedly. Be patient and available for these ongoing conversations as your situation evolves.