How to Help a Child Who Throws Things When Angry

Learn effective strategies to manage and redirect throwing behaviors when your child gets angry or frustrated.

1. Stay calm and ensure safety first. When your child starts throwing, take a deep breath and keep your voice steady. Move any breakable or dangerous items out of reach immediately. If objects are being thrown at people, gently but firmly block or redirect the throws while saying 'I won't let you hurt anyone.' Your calm presence helps your child feel safer and shows them how to handle strong emotions without losing control.
2. Acknowledge their feelings. Get down to your child's level and acknowledge what they're experiencing: 'I can see you're really angry right now' or 'You seem frustrated that your tower fell down.' This validation doesn't excuse the throwing, but it helps your child feel understood. When children feel heard, they're more likely to calm down and be receptive to learning better ways to express themselves.
3. Set clear, consistent boundaries. Once the immediate situation is safe, clearly state your expectation: 'Throwing things is not okay. It can hurt people and break things we care about.' Be consistent with this message every time throwing happens. Follow through with a logical consequence, such as having your child help clean up what they threw or temporarily removing the thrown items.
4. Teach alternative ways to express anger. Help your child build a toolkit of acceptable ways to handle anger. Offer specific alternatives like stomping feet, hitting a pillow, drawing angry pictures, or using words like 'I'm mad!' Practice these strategies when your child is calm so they can access them during heated moments. For younger children, you might need to guide them through these alternatives several times before they remember on their own.
5. Look for patterns and triggers. Pay attention to when throwing happens most often. Is your child hungry, tired, or overwhelmed? Are there specific situations that consistently lead to throwing? Once you identify patterns, you can often prevent throwing episodes by addressing needs before they escalate or helping your child prepare for challenging situations.
6. Practice emotional regulation together. Teach your child simple calming techniques they can use when they feel anger building. Try deep breathing ('smell the flower, blow out the candle'), counting to ten, or taking space in a quiet corner. Model these techniques yourself when you feel frustrated, so your child sees how adults handle strong emotions appropriately.
7. Praise progress and positive choices. When your child manages anger without throwing, acknowledge their effort: 'I noticed you were frustrated with your puzzle, but you asked for help instead of throwing the pieces. That was a great choice!' Positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior is often more effective than focusing only on what not to do.