Supporting Children Through Big Emotions

Explore common approaches to helping children navigate intense feelings and develop emotional regulation skills. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Approaches to Emotional Regulation. Parents often consider several common philosophies when addressing intense feelings. One approach, known as co-regulation, involves staying physically and emotionally present with a child while they experience a feeling, essentially acting as an external nervous system to help them calm down. This method emphasizes that the child is not 'giving you a hard time' but is instead 'having a hard time.' Another approach focuses on labeling and validation. By naming the emotion—such as 'it seems like you are feeling frustrated because the block tower fell'—parents help children build the vocabulary necessary to identify their internal states. Research in developmental psychology suggests that the ability to label an emotion can reduce its intensity, providing the child with a sense of agency over their experience.
2. Creating a Supportive Environment. Many practitioners recommend creating a 'calm-down space' or a 'cozy corner' where children can go when they feel overstimulated. The goal is not to use this space as a time-out or a punishment, but rather as a tool for self-regulation. Including sensory items like soft pillows, books, or stress balls can provide a physical outlet for nervous energy. It is also helpful to discuss emotions during calm moments, rather than during the heat of a tantrum. Reading books about feelings or discussing how characters in a story handle disappointment can provide children with a low-stakes way to practice identifying and managing their own reactions.