How to Talk to Your Child About Anxiety

Learn how to have supportive conversations with your child about anxiety using age-appropriate language and practical strategies.

1. Start with simple, age-appropriate language. Use words your child already knows to explain anxiety. For younger children, describe anxiety as 'big worries' or 'when your body feels scared even when you're safe.' For older kids, you can explain that anxiety is when our brain tries to protect us by worrying about things that might happen. Avoid clinical terms and focus on feelings they can recognize, like a racing heart, sweaty hands, or butterflies in their stomach.
2. Normalize their feelings. Help your child understand that everyone feels anxious sometimes, including you. Share a simple example of when you felt worried and how you handled it. Say things like 'It's completely normal to feel worried about new things' or 'Your feelings make sense.' Avoid dismissing their concerns with phrases like 'don't worry about it' or 'you're fine.' Instead, acknowledge that their feelings are real and important.
3. Listen without trying to fix everything. Give your child your full attention when they share their worries. Ask open-ended questions like 'Can you tell me more about that?' or 'What does that worry feel like in your body?' Resist the urge to immediately solve their problems or tell them their fears aren't real. Sometimes children just need to be heard and understood before they're ready for solutions.
4. Teach simple coping strategies together. Show your child practical ways to manage anxious feelings. Practice deep breathing by having them smell a flower and blow out a candle, or try the '5-4-3-2-1' technique where they name 5 things they can see, 4 they can touch, 3 they can hear, 2 they can smell, and 1 they can taste. Create a comfort kit with items that help them feel calm, like a stress ball, favorite photo, or calming scent.
5. Be honest about your own anxiety. When appropriate, share how you manage your own worries in simple terms. You might say, 'I felt nervous about my work meeting, so I took some deep breaths and reminded myself that I was prepared.' This shows your child that anxiety is manageable and that seeking help is normal. Keep your sharing brief and focused on solutions rather than dwelling on the worry itself.
6. Create ongoing opportunities for conversation. Don't limit anxiety discussions to moments of crisis. Bring up feelings during calm times, like bedtime or car rides. Ask questions like 'How are you feeling about tomorrow?' or 'What's something that's been on your mind lately?' Regular check-ins help your child feel comfortable sharing their worries before they become overwhelming.