How to Talk to a Teen About Drinking

A parent's guide to having honest, effective conversations with teenagers about alcohol use and safety.

1. Choose the right time and setting. Pick a calm moment when you're both relaxed and have privacy. Car rides, walks, or quiet time at home work well. Avoid bringing up drinking when your teen is stressed, rushed, or already in trouble. Make sure you're in the right headspace too—if you're angry or worried about something else, wait for a better time.
2. Start with listening, not lecturing. Ask open-ended questions like 'What have you heard about drinking?' or 'Have any of your friends started drinking?' Listen to their answers without jumping in with corrections or warnings. This helps you understand what they already know and what concerns them. Show genuine curiosity about their perspective before sharing yours.
3. Share your values and expectations clearly. Be direct about your family's rules around drinking. Explain why these rules matter to you—whether it's safety, health, legal concerns, or family values. Say something like, 'I expect you not to drink while you're underage because your brain is still developing and it's illegal.' Make sure your expectations are realistic and clearly understood.
4. Discuss real risks without scare tactics. Talk about genuine risks like impaired judgment, dangerous situations, legal consequences, and effects on developing brains. Use facts, not dramatic stories designed to frighten. Teens respond better to honest information than exaggerated warnings. Acknowledge that some teens do drink, but explain why waiting is the safer choice.
5. Create a safety plan together. Discuss what they should do if they encounter drinking situations. Role-play how to say no, how to leave an unsafe situation, and how to call you for help without getting in trouble. Make it clear that their safety is more important than any rule. Consider a code word they can text if they need you to pick them up with no questions asked.
6. Keep the conversation ongoing. Don't treat this as a one-time talk. Bring up drinking periodically—after news stories, before parties, or when friends start drinking. Check in about how they're handling peer pressure. Keep conversations brief and natural rather than formal sit-downs. The more you talk, the more comfortable these discussions become.