How to Tell Your Parents Something Hard

A guide to help kids and teens approach difficult conversations with parents in a thoughtful, honest way.

  1. Choose the Right Time and Place. Pick a moment when your parents aren't rushed, stressed, or distracted. Avoid times when they're cooking dinner, getting ready for work, or dealing with other family issues. Ask if you can talk privately, and choose a comfortable spot where you won't be interrupted. You might say, 'Mom, when you have some time, I need to talk to you about something important.'
  2. Plan What You Want to Say. Think through the main points before you start talking. You don't need a script, but knowing how you want to begin can help calm your nerves. Start with the most important information first. If you're worried about their reaction, you can even begin by saying, 'I need to tell you something, and I'm nervous about how you'll react.'
  3. Be Honest and Direct. Tell the truth, even if it's uncomfortable. Your parents will appreciate your honesty, and it helps them understand the full situation so they can help you better. Avoid making excuses or blaming others, but do explain the circumstances that led to the situation. If you made a mistake, own up to it clearly.
  4. Ask for What You Need. Be clear about whether you want advice, help solving a problem, or just someone to listen. You might need help with schoolwork, want to talk about friendship troubles, or need support dealing with something difficult. Let your parents know how they can best support you.
  5. Stay Calm and Listen. Your parents might need a moment to process what you've shared. They might ask questions, express concern, or even feel upset initially. Try to stay calm and answer their questions honestly. Remember that their reaction usually comes from love and concern for you, even if it doesn't feel that way at first.
  6. Work Together on Next Steps. Once you've shared what's on your mind, work with your parents to figure out what happens next. This might involve making a plan to fix a problem, setting up a meeting with a teacher, or simply agreeing on how to handle similar situations in the future. Focus on moving forward together.